L. Eric Culverson - www.TheCompetenceMyth.net
This discussion series is abstracted from my book: The Competence Myth - Why your technical skills are no longer enough and what you can do about.
Engineers are amongst the elite of the STEM talent pool. We’re disciplined, we’re smart, responsible, and we’re hard-workers. Our contribution to the world around us is unparalleled throughout the history of mankind. And yet we are often the least understood by that same world.
There is –and has always been, a communication gap between engineers, and the world around us. Well, that gap should no longer be tolerated. The day has arrived, “Engineer meets world”. As technical professionals, but more so as people, it’s time to focus on the basics on one-on-one interaction, relationships and engagement with those around us. That includes our loved ones, our friends and our non-engineering co-workers. This is life, beyond the lab.
The stereotype of engineers as being difficult, if not impossible to talk to, of us being so analytical and so un-emotional, of us being so introverted and unwilling or unable to engage in basic conversation… well, there may be some historic basis to that, but it doesn’t have to be that way. As the old saying goes, today is the first day of the rest of your life. If you decide you want to have better relationships at every level of your life, then you can. But any worthwhile, and certainly any great relationship requires being genuinely engaged with others. As engineers, we often fancy ourselves as the “Strong but Silent type”, ok, well that sounds masculine or independent, or a testament to some deep inner character.
But often we are quiet simply because we not comfortable really engaging with the people around us. We are not comfortable expressing what we feel at a more personal level. We are not willing to allow ourselves to be vulnerable in front of others. So we construct a wall around us, and over the years, the wall get reinforced, those habits and patterns of silence… come to define us. Our comfort zone can actually shrink, and we never really notice it, because we simply get more set in our ways. So now we’re flat out unwilling, and unable to risk those social circumstance, and even those more intimate circumstance where at best we feel awkward, and beyond that, maybe a little bit embarrassed.
Look, we owe to ourselves to have the best relationships and the best experiences this life can offer. And make no mistake, we are human, life is about relationship. The quality of our existence will ultimately be determined by the quality of the relationships we establish, cultivate and maintain. We owe to those around us to be as engaging, open and communicative as possible. If you’re a typical engineer, I can almost guarantee that somewhere in your life right-now, there is someone who genuinely cares about you, and desperately seeks to connect with you at more meaningful level. They want to be able to talk with you.
This post is the first in a six part series. Over the next few videos, I will discuss specific communication, talking, sharing techniques with family and loved ones, friends, and finally, our non-engineering co-workers. But before that, we need to discuss the common element that binds us all. Yes, it’s time to conquer and tame the Analytical Mind. See you next time!