Forget statistics and Taguchi's method for design of experiments. Quality engineering is about dealing with crappy parts and angry customers while your hands are tied behind your back. This week, Pawl explores 7 techniques of highly effective quality managers.
1) Difficult Situations: Grow Thick Skin
Replace the crushed apricot stone in your wife's ex-foliating lotion with crushed glass. After rubbing it all over your body, take a salt bath.
2) Impossible Situations: Practice Deceit
Tell your daughter "absolutely! when do you want to go?" when she wants to be taken to Disney world.
Tell your mother that you'll unblock her drain pipe as soon as you get back from your business trip.
3) Upset customer: Practice Apologising
Memorise Eliott Spitzer, Bill Clinton and the Pope's apologies and substitute "women" and "kids" for "missing diodes" and "broken snaps."
4) Act like the real thing:
Call yourself Bearing-San; eat with chopsticks and present your business card with 2 hands; 5S your desk and start by outlining a rectangular footprint around a picture frame of your firstborn. Label it "Kid #1."
5) Act like the real thing, Part 2:
Name your kids "Deming, Feema and Lexus "
6) Prevent loosing money on scrap
Feed the rotten apples to the dog (this is the automotive equivalent of using all the questionable parts for service parts [spare parts]).
7) Have lots of Sex and listen to really loud rock music...
Then genuinely claim that you can't see the defect and can't hear the rattle.
Replace the crushed apricot stone in your wife's ex-foliating lotion with crushed glass. After rubbing it all over your body, take a salt bath.
2) Impossible Situations: Practice Deceit
Tell your daughter "absolutely! when do you want to go?" when she wants to be taken to Disney world.
Tell your mother that you'll unblock her drain pipe as soon as you get back from your business trip.
3) Upset customer: Practice Apologising
Memorise Eliott Spitzer, Bill Clinton and the Pope's apologies and substitute "women" and "kids" for "missing diodes" and "broken snaps."
4) Act like the real thing:
Call yourself Bearing-San; eat with chopsticks and present your business card with 2 hands; 5S your desk and start by outlining a rectangular footprint around a picture frame of your firstborn. Label it "Kid #1."
5) Act like the real thing, Part 2:
Name your kids "Deming, Feema and Lexus "
6) Prevent loosing money on scrap
Feed the rotten apples to the dog (this is the automotive equivalent of using all the questionable parts for service parts [spare parts]).
7) Have lots of Sex and listen to really loud rock music...
Then genuinely claim that you can't see the defect and can't hear the rattle.