3 Words You Must Avoid Using in Your Communications

The English language contains 1,025,109 words and with the exception of profanity and slang, you can use them in your communications.   According to Oxford Dictionaries, however, the average native English speaker knows about 40,000 words.  As engineers, that number is likely higher given the need to use technical words and jargon associated with our profession. 

Since you only use four percent of the English language dropping three more words from your lexicon can’t be a problem, right?  Let’s see.

“Language is the dress of thought.” ~ Samuel Johnson

Through my readings over the past few years I’ve become critical of three words in the English language:  should, hope, and but. The reason is simple:  they transmit indecisiveness and contradiction.  Use of the words also transmits a “victim” mentality to the listener.  Before you think I’m too critical of these words or reading too much into them, contemplate this rationale: 

Should.  A few years ago I listened to a Tony Robbins piece and afterwards, immediately dropped “should” from use.  He relayed a story about a coaching client he had who dropped the “should” bomb in every sentence.  “I should do this”….”should do that”…” should do X, Y, Z”.  “Should” transmits indecision and lack of commitment. For anyone interested in being decisive or committed to anything in their life, this word is toxic.

Hope.  So apparently, “hope is not a strategy”.  Ever since that phrase was uttered by Rudy Giuliani, I’ve become critical of myself every time I use it.  According to Merrian-Webster, hope denotes:  “a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen”.  On the surface this is good, however, it also conveys a sense of indecisiveness and standing idly by waiting for what we desire to occur. 

A better option is to use the words faith, ambition, desire, or my personal favorite: goal.  While hope conveys that you are thinking about the universe making something happen for you, goal conveys that you’ve selected a target and that you taking action toward achieving it.

But.   Wait, that’s one of my favorite words!  According to Oxford Dictionaries, it’s a top-25 word of all native English speakers.  An article I read recently made me realize when I use the word “but”, I’m making everything stated before that word impossible. If you truly see the impossibility in something, then by all means use it.  However, since it’s a top-25 word I’m willing to bet that all of us are using it just a bit too much and in the wrong situations.  For example, if you’re having a conversation with someone on your team, every time you utter “but”, you are in effect stating that whatever the other person said is impossible.  Example:

John: So, I’m thinking that we need to design this connection as I’ve shown on the drawing because it meets code and will be cost effective.

You:  Yeah, but I think the connection is better designed how I showed you yesterday.

Innocent enough on the surface, however, you’re really transmitting this:

You:  John, your connection design is completely irrelevant and you need to get on board with what I showed you yesterday.  Period.

When you use “but”, you essentially communicate to the other person that everything they’ve said is false, wrong, or complete B.S.  A better option is to phrase your response like this:

You:  I see your rational, however, I think this connect is a better option.

Or:

You:  I see your rationale.  Did you think about this connection as well?

Even as I was writing this article I caught myself wanting to use the word “but”, however, I’m not going to.  Unless I really mean to convey the impossibility of whatever I wrote before the word.  In which case, I hope that you don’t mind that I do use the word.  But, that would require you to disregard this entire article and I don’t think you should do that.

So here’s the challenge:  stop using these words in your written and spoken communications.   Instead, be decisive in what you say and write.

If you like this post, read these:

The Numbers Behind Your Communications (External Link to The Engineer Leader blog)

Good Conversations Start with Preparation

Not Getting Your Message Through?

Christian Knutson, P.E., PMP is international infrastructure development program manager, engineer, and author. He has 21 years of experience in leadership, management, engineering and international relations earned from a career in the U.S. Air Force and is author of The Engineer Leader, a recognized blog on leadership and life success for engineers and professionals.

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